Review of Teeth

Horror-Comedy Fails To Reach The Level Of Biting Satire

by Zachary Wigon 

There is, without a doubt, a category of cinema reserved for those whose eyes are bigger than their stomachs, whose films are more ambitious than their filmmaking talent can handle. This category is populated with films that aim for the stars and land in the gutter, but are no less entertaining for trying. Southland Tales is one. The Fountain is another. Across The Universe belongs here. Teeth does not. Teeth is a film that aims for the stars - the concept is so outrageous that, were it to succeed, it would have to be some kind of cult classic - but it falls way, way short of the gutter. Many ambitious failures are enjoyable, but this film was about as fun as sitting in the dentist's office for 90 minutes. The film revolves around abstinence-only teen sex educator Dawn (Jess Weixler) and her strange, strange attempts at a love life. We're brought into the story via the relationship between Dawn and a fellow teenaged abstinence-only sex educator, Brad (John Hensley). The two of them start off as friends, but their relationship develops into something more. By the time they're swimming alone in an isolated cove, we're primed to see Dawn bite off more than she can chew. The puns can keep coming all day. It's this kind of cheesy gross-out comedy-horror that Teeth is going for, and while it may think it knows what it's about, it doesn't. The jokes simply don't work (any more than my puns do), and the central concept of the film (you guessed it, Dawn's vag can bite) serves more as a jumping-off point for a bunch of gag scenes than anything else. The best horror comedies have something of a respect for why their monster got to be the way it is, but in the case of Dawn, all we're given in terms of explanation are a few google searches for "vagina dentata" and an ominous nuclear power plant in the background of her house. Yes, there is something of an angle for female empowerment, but what is that angle, exactly? She can bite men "down there" with her teeth, therefore she'll never be taken advantage of again? Fine, but what is the real-world corollary? There simply is none. The best horror films are the best for a reason - they often offer extremist metaphors for the social conditions in which we live (think of the zombies walking through the shopping mall in Dawn Of The Dead). Teeth offers no such metaphors. Its social critique of abstinence-only sex education is so weak as to be nonexistent (abstinence-only education actually makes kids MORE curious about sex! what a SHOCK!), and it's underhanded suggestion that nuclear pollution created Dawn's malformed ladyparts is equally undercooked. The film's comedic sequences don't seem to be built upon much, other than the cringe-inducing moments when men find themselves within Dawn's jaws. The longest of these segments involves a gynecologist trying to figure out just what the story is. This segment goes on for way, way too long. Additionally, the film's pacing up to the "reveal" is far too slow (one critic friend noted that it's horror-comedy meets Safe, Todd Haynes slow-creeping urban anomie masterpiece). Just a thought for the folks at The Weinstein Company: if the film's reveal doesn't happen until more than halfway through, you might not want to give everything away in your trailer. It just leads to there being ABSOLUTELY NO SUSPENSE for the first half of the film. Then again, I don't know how much we can blame TWC when the title of the film is, well, a bit of a giveaway. This review is a bit of a harsh one, and you might be wondering why I even deigned to give the film one star. Well, newcomer Jess Weixler does a pretty decent job with a very difficult role. Also, the film IS in focus. -- Zachary Wigon

Posted on 01/17/08 by: FC Scribes 12:37 AM